Disputes are a part of everyday life, especially in the workplace. Whether it’s someone not returning your stapler or opposing your idea during a team meeting, conflicts can affect personal productivity and team harmony. Thankfully, we can learn to resolve conflicts more effectively if we understand the strategies mediators and negotiators use to tackle even the most challenging disputes. In this article, we’ll dive into the best books on conflict resolution that go into these strategies. Being a book summary service that has reviewed many conflict-related titles, we have selected only the best books that give practical advice and transformative strategies for managing conflict in the workplace.
Before we share these recommendations, let’s look at the common methods of tackling conflict and how they can either help mediation succeed or cause it to fail.
What are the Common Conflict Handling Methods?
There are several ways in which we often approach everyday conflict.
Competing
Ever felt like you need to “win” an argument, no matter what? That’s called the competing style. When you compete, you focus on getting what you want, even if it affects others. This might mean defending your beliefs or standing firm in a negotiation. The good thing? It’s clear and straightforward. The downside? It can hurt relationships if you use it too much.
Collaborating
Imagine a situation where both you and the other person walk away feeling good about things. That’s the perks of collaboration. You dig into an issue to understand the “why” behind what each side thinks, then come up with a solution that benefits all. This approach is both confident and friendly and results in a win-win situation.
Avoiding
Sometimes, it feels easier to just leave things alone. Avoiding a problem means you step around the conflict, either because it’s not worth your energy or you need more time to think. This approach is not assertive or cooperative; because you’re merely just pressing a pause button on a problem, instead of solving it. Avoiding can be helpful when the timing isn’t right, but it can also lead to bigger problems if you build resentment about unresolved issues.
Compromising
We’ve all been in this situation, trying to find a middle ground or an easy fix that everyone can deal with. Compromising means each side gives up a bit to find a solution that, while not perfect, works for both. It’s less assertive than competing but more direct than avoiding. Think about times when you’re looking for a quick answer, like when deciding who picks the next team project. Sometimes, just “meeting in the middle” is the way to go.
Accommodating
Accommodating is all about putting others’ needs first. It’s a self-sacrificing, cooperative approach where you let go of your own preferences to make the other person happy. However, being too accommodating can mean putting your own well-being at risk.
Recommendations: Best Books on Conflict Resolution
Here are our picks of the best books for managing workplace conflict effectively. Many of the concepts and insights are also useful for managing conflict in personal relationships.
Nonviolent Communication by Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg
1-Sentence Summary
Psychologist Marshell Rosenburg shares ways to listen deeply and express ourselves more effectively when communicating with others.
What it Teaches You
There are several ways in which we may unknowingly misread others’ messages. Similarly, we may not always express our wants and needs clearly. This results in conflict. Rosenburg teaches us the several types of communication that alienate people and block compassion and provides several strategies to communicate clearly and empathically, without blame or criticism.
Key Takeaways
Rosenburg identifies four key parts of clear and empathetic communication. These include observing a situation for what you see and hear and excluding interpretations, analyses, or judgments. Expressing how these observations make you feel. Uncovering the underlying needs or values that have led you to these feelings. And once you’ve shared what you’ve noticed, how you’re feeling, and what you need, you can make clear and specific requests to help meet those needs and improve your life.
Best For
Anyone wanting to foster mutual understanding and connect better with others.
Favorite Quote
“Judgments of others are alienated expressions of our own unmet needs.”
Book Review
This comprehensive guide offers clear advice on how to communicate effectively. It helps you understand your own needs and the needs of others, teaching you to meet those needs with love and respect. The book includes case studies and sample conversations, making it easy to apply these strategies in your daily life and improve your Nonviolent Communication (NVC) skills.
You can read our detailed Nonviolent Communication summary here.
Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson
1-Sentence Summary
Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson provides strategies to effectively handle high-stakes conversations.
What It Teaches You
This book breaks down how to handle conversations where people have different views and strong feelings, especially when the situation really matters. By picking up some useful skills and tips, readers can learn to tackle sensitive topics in a way that builds connections, whether it’s in friendships or work relationships.
Key Takeaways
The book highlights that high-stakes conversations often involve differing views and strong emotions, which can lead to poor reactions and jeopardize important outcomes. Recognizing these moments and staying focused on true goals helps avoid defensive impulses. “Learning to Look” at verbal and non-verbal cues helps identify tension early, and if emotions rise, pausing the conversation can re-establish safety.
The principle of “Mastering Your Stories” aids in unpacking interpretations that drive emotions, fostering balance and empathy. The “STATE” model encourages sharing thoughts confidently and respectfully while inviting others’ input. “Exploring Others’ Paths” promotes understanding through active listening, and “Moving to Action” ensures discussions lead to clear, actionable results.
Best For
Anyone looking to improve communication, especially in high-stakes professions.
Favorite Quote
“At the very moment when most people become furious, we need to become curious. Rather than respond in kind, we need to wonder what’s behind the ruckus.”
Book Review
Crucial Conversations is a handy guide that shows how to turn tough conversations into chances for better understanding and progress. The authors, with a mix of research and real-life stories, lay out a clear path for tackling and resolving conversations that might go south otherwise. With tips on staying calm, really listening, and setting clear goals, this book is a must-read for anyone wanting to boost their people skills and strengthen their relationships.
You can read our detailed Crucial Conversations summary here.
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
1-Sentence Summary
Emotional Intelligence explores how understanding and managing our emotions play a more significant role in achieving success.
What It Teaches You
This book explains the basics of emotions and how our brains process them. It emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence (EI) in our daily lives. Goleman shows that emotional intelligence helps us succeed by improving self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, motivation, and social skills. These skills are also key for managing conflicts effectively.
Key Takeaways
In this book, Goleman breaks down the five key parts of emotional intelligence. Self-awareness means being able to recognize your own feelings. Self-regulation is about keeping those feelings in check so you don’t act on impulse. Self-motivation involves using your emotions in a positive way to reach your goals. Empathy is all about picking up on how others feel, which helps build better connections. Finally, social skills are what help you manage relationships effectively, whether in your personal life or at work.
Best For
Anyone interested in understanding the role emotions play in from various settings including conflict.
Favorite Quote
“Our emotions have a mind of their own, one which can hold views quite independently of our rational mind.”
Book Review
Emotional Intelligence is a game-changing book that goes beyond the usual ideas of success. It really highlights how important our emotions and connections with others are. Goleman shares a solid, science-based look at how emotional intelligence affects our lives. With plenty of powerful insights, real-life examples, and helpful tips, it’s a must-read for anyone who wants to get better at understanding themselves, handling their emotions, and building deeper relationships.
You can read our detailed Emotional Intelligence summary here.
Just Listen by Mark Goulston
1-Sentence Summary
Just Listen provides actionable strategies to transform resistance into willingness through specific communication techniques.
What It Teaches You
The book shows us how understanding brain science and following structured communication rules can help bridge divides in any conversation, whether in personal, professional, or high-stress environments.
Key Takeaways
Dr. Goulston’s way of communicating is all about connecting with others by focusing on understanding them rather than trying to be understood ourselves. He talks about something called the Persuasion Cycle, which guides people from being resistant to eventually cooperating and feeling good about it. This shift takes some mental and emotional work. By controlling our initial reactions, what he calls the “Oh F#@& to OK” process, and putting our assumptions aside, we can listen better and make others feel appreciated. He backs this up with 12 handy techniques like the “Impossibility Question” and “The Magic Paradox,” which invite people to look at new ideas without feeling attacked or defensive.
Best For
Anyone seeking stronger connections and reduced conflict in their relationships.
Favorite Quote
“The secret to gaining someone’s cooperation is not to make them feel coerced, but to help them feel connected and understood.”
Book Review
Just Listen is a great resource for anyone looking to communicate more effectively and with empathy. Dr. Goulston shares insights from his background in psychiatry and hostage negotiation to provide practical, science-backed tips for connecting with others. His Persuasion Cycle and unique strategies offer a step-by-step approach to managing your own emotions, avoiding snap judgments, and building real rapport. This book is super helpful for having tough conversations, fostering genuine understanding, and making a positive difference in how you communicate.
You can read our detailed Just Listen summary here.
Surrounded by Idiots by Thomas Erikson
1-Sentence Summary
Thomas Erikson provides insights on personalities and helps us determine why people behave the way they do and how we better communicate.
What it Teaches You
We all handle situations and communicate in our own ways, shaped by our core values, experiences, and personalities. Recognizing these differences can help us avoid misunderstandings and make our interactions smoother. Erikson points out four main behavior profiles and shows how getting to know them can lead to better teamwork, less conflict, and stronger relationships.
Key Takeaways
Erikson derives four personality types from the DISA/DISC models and uses color coding to simplify understanding: Red (Dominance): Assertive and driven leaders who prioritize action but can come across as domineering. Yellow (Inducement): Sociable, creative, and expressive, Yellows bring positive energy but may appear impulsive and struggle to listen. Green (Stability): Calm, loyal team players who value harmony but can be resistant to change and slow to take action. Blue (Analytic): Detail-oriented, analytical thinkers who value accuracy but can be seen as critical and overly cautious.
Most people are a blend of these types, and knowing each type’s strengths and weaknesses helps us adapt to others’ needs and styles, fostering effective communication.
Best For
Anyone looking to understand how to interact better with diverse personalities and improve their conflict resolution skills.
Favorite Quote
“Communication happens on the listener’s terms… Everything you say to a person is filtered through his frames of reference, biases, and preconceived ideas.”
Book Review
Surrounded by Idiots is a great read for figuring out how people behave and how to communicate better. Erikson mixes behavioral theory with real-life stories, making it easy to relate to and use. The book is full of tips for spotting, understanding, and adjusting to different personality types, which helps improve interactions with others and avoid conflict.
You can read our detailed Surrounded by Idiots summary here.
Getting to Yes by William Ury
1-Sentence Summary
Getting to Yes talks introduces a way to negotiate called principled negotiation, which helps both sides come to an agreement that meets their needs while also keeping and even strengthening their relationship.
What It Teaches You
This book lays out a straightforward way to negotiate that swaps out the usual tough tactics for a more cooperative approach. By zeroing in on what both sides want, coming up with win-win options, and sticking to fair standards,
“Getting to Yes” shows readers how to negotiate effectively and fairly. It also shares tips for dealing with common issues in negotiations, like when one person has more power, when someone is stubborn, or when shady tactics come into play.
Key Takeaways
Principled negotiation emphasizes focusing on interests rather than positions, allowing for a broader range of solutions that can satisfy all parties involved. It stresses the importance of separating people from problems to manage interpersonal issues and emotions objectively. The book encourages generating options for mutual gain, advocating for creative thinking to expand the potential benefits of negotiations, making it easier for both sides to agree.
It highlights the necessity of using objective standards to ground decisions, avoiding subjective opinions that could lead to power struggles. Additionally, it discusses the development of a strong Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement (BATNA) to safeguard interests when facing stronger opponents. Lastly, the authors address the importance of recognizing and dealing with deceptive or unethical behaviors assertively to maintain integrity in negotiations.
Best For
Anyone looking to enhance their negotiation skills, and seeking constructive conflict resolution strategies in both personal and professional contexts.
Favorite Quote
“The challenge is not to eliminate conflict but to transform it… from destructive, adversarial battling to hard-headed, side-by-side problem solving.”
Book Review
Getting to Yes lays out refreshing, clear and effective ways to handle negotiations. Their four principles of principled negotiation, People, Interests, Options, and Criteria, offer a solid base for working through conflicts in a practical and respectful manner. The book ditches bombarding readers with several theories; but instead offers a good balance of research with real-life examples and powerful strategies to tackle high-stakes negotiation issues, making it a must-read for anyone dealing with negotiation or conflict resolution.
You can read our detailed Getting to Yes summary here.
The Anatomy of Peace by Arbinger Institute
1-Sentence Summary
The Anatomy of Peace explains how most conflicts come from a hardened attitude toward others and how having a “heart at peace” can lead to resolving conflicts.
What It Teaches You
This book encourages readers to tackle relationships with an open mind and a focus on understanding instead of pointing fingers or getting defensive. It tells the story of parents at a camp designed to help troubled teens, showing how changing your perspective can really help break the cycle of conflict and resentment and lead to healthier, deeper connections with others.
Key Takeaways
When we have a heart at peace, we view others as people with feelings, dreams, and struggles, which fosters empathy and understanding. However, when we have a heart at war, we see others as objects, obstacles, means to an end, or nuisances, which leads us to dehumanize them and perpetuates conflict. The book points out that to sort out conflicts, we first need to recognize that we might be part of the issue, too. By stepping back and looking at others with compassion, we can break those ongoing patterns of conflict.
Best For
Anyone experiencing recurring conflicts in their lives, whether in family, work, or social settings.
Favorite Quote
“If we can’t put an end to the violence within us, there is no hope for putting an end to the violence without.”
Book Review
The Anatomy of Peace shows how to resolve conflicts by starting from within ourselves. Its engaging story format helps simplify complex ideas. The book provides practical tools, like the Pyramid of Change and “the box,” to help us develop compassion, humility, and understanding.
You can read our detailed The Anatomy of Peace summary here.
Bonus Books on Conflict Resolution
Dealing with Difficult People by Harvard Business Review
Staying calm during an argument can be challenging. It can also be hard to handle passive-aggressive comments or to admit when you are wrong. This book uses research to help you understand how we react emotionally in uncomfortable situations.From knowing how to assess the nature of conflict to being aware of clarity, neutrality, and temperance, you’ll be equipped with clear tactics to solve difficult conversations. Furthermore, by incorporating research from different leaders in the group, you get a choice of different perspectives and experiences and the practical solutions that best resonate with you.
Conflict Resolution Playbook: Practical Communication Skills for Preventing, Managing, and Resolving Conflict by Jerry Pollack
We all have one or more conflicts that we can still recall. Sometimes, we might even think about them and wonder if we could have handled them better. The Conflict Resolution Playbook uses several recollections of conflict scenarios to teach readers how to manage conflicts effectively. Each story highlights a particular aspect of conflict, such as learning communication styles or knowing when to be assertive. Finally, the “Keep in Mind” section summarizes approaches to conflict resolution that we can use to handle future conflicts better.
Conclusion
The tips shared in these recommended books are helpful for managing your own conflicts, and promoting harmony within teams. As you make progress in understanding personal conflict and learning how to navigate it, you can support colleagues in overcoming the various challenges individuals and groups face when resolving disputes. This approach encourages peace and understanding in the workplace, keeping productivity high.
So, why not master the strategies and skills for handling workplace conflict through the insightful books on conflict resolution that we’ve recommended? Once you’ve absorbed these valuable insights, there’s nothing better than putting what you’ve learned about conflict mediation into practice to prevent conflicts and strengthen relationships.
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