How to Know a Person

HOW TO KNOW A PERSON: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

by David Brooks

Every personal or professional relationship rests on one foundational skill: the ability to make another person feel truly seen. This book shows you how to see others deeply, connect across differences, and bring out the best in the people around you.

In this summary, you’ll learn:

• The difference between Diminishers and Illuminators, how to avoid diminisher traps that alienate people, and how illuminators elevate others.
• How to get to know someone through ordinary activities, understanding their mental models, and using foundational skills like holding good conversations and asking good questions.
• How to see others in hard times, navigate differences, hold hard conversations, support people carrying old wounds, and through depression or loss.
• How to see others’ strengths, including their personality, life task, life story, and lineage.

Who should read this:

• Leaders, managers, and individuals who want deeper trust, genuine human connection, and understanding in personal or professional relationships.
• Coaches, therapists, teachers, and anyone whose work depends on understanding people accurately.