Most people know that good communication and strong relationships are key to success. But, how do we achieve that in today’s fast-paced, skeptical world? In How to Talk to Anyone, communications expert Leil Lowndes reveals 92 practical techniques for anyone who wants to grow their network, build rapport, confidence, and influence in both personal and business settings. In this free How to Talk to Anyone summary, we’ll outline all these techniques so you can grow your network, build rapport, confidence, and influence in both personal and business settings.
How to Talk to Anyone Techniques
Strong commuication and relationship skills are key to success. Books like Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People taught us timeless principles like how to show interest in others and make them feel good. But those broad principles are no longer enough in today’s fast-paced, skeptical world.
In How to Talk to Anyone, Leil Lowndes reveals 92 practical techniques that fill the gap between “what to do” and “how to do it.” These techniques are based on real-life observations from drama classes to global seminars and Fortune 500 coaching. In this summary, we’ll be sharing these tips across 9 sections.
Part 1: Leave a Lasting First Impression
In today’s fast-paced world, first impressions happen fast—often within 10 seconds—and most of that impression comes non-verbal cues like how you look, move, and engage. Here are 9 techniques to make a powerful, lasting before you even speak.
Technique 1 – Smile Like You Mean It:
Smiles can connect people, but quick smile might make you appear fake or nervous. To avoid this, try pausing for a moment first, take in the other person, then let a warm smile slowly spread across your face—and up to your eyes. This “flooding smile” feels more sincere and personal, like it’s meant just for them.
Technique 2 – Hold Their Gaze:
Eye contact creates presence and connection. Imagine your eyes are sticky or gently glued to your conversation partner. Keep your eyes on them even after they finish speaking. Then, drift your gaze away slowly, as if stretching the link between you until it breaks. This kind of intense eye contact makes others feel seen, respected, and drawn in.
Remaining Techniques:
In our complete 21-page book summary, we break down the all these remaining techniques with step-by-step instructions to help you project confidence and warmth from the moment you walk into a room.
- Technique 3 – Focus Your Eyes on Them to make them feel like the most important person in the room.
- Technique 4 – Move Like a Winner using a confident posture.
- Technique 5 – Turn Fully Toward Your Conversation Partner (and give them your undivided attention)
- Technique 6 – Greet Them Like an Old Friend to feel warm and sincere.
- Technique 7 – Minimize Unnecessary Movements to project confidence and credibility.
- Technique 8 – Tune In and Adjust based on subtle cues.
- Technique 9 – Visualize Communication Success.
Part 2: Master the Art of Small Talk
Once you’ve made a strong first impression, use these 14 techniques to make others feel comfortable, keep the conversation going, and become someone others love talking to.
Technique 10 – Match Their Mood First:
It can be emotionally-draining to speak with someone who’s overly-perky when you’re tired, or overly-slow when you’re in a rush. Before jumping into a conversation, take a quick read of the other person. Are they calm or energetic? Reserved or enthusiastic? Start by matching their emotional tempo, tone, and energy. Once rapport is built, you can gradually shift the mood.
Remaining Techniques:
- Technique 11 – Add Feeling to Your Words
- Technique 12 – Carry an Icebreaker
- Technique 13 – Ask “Who’s That?” to Approach Someone
- Technique 14 – Eavesdrop Then Enter to Talk to a Person Who is in a Tight Group
- Technique 15 – Prepare Titbits About Your Hometown so Your Conversation Partner Has Something to Respond
- Technique 16 – Paint a Picture of What You Do
- Technique 17 – Connect People with Context
- Technique 18 – Listen To People’s Words Carefully
- Technique 19 – Give People The Spotlight to Make You Seem More Interesting and Likable
- Technique 20 – Parrot Back Their Words if Unsure What to Say Next
- Technique 21 – Request an Encore to Show That You’re Listening
- Technique 22 – Start With Positivity Before Vulnerability
- Technique 23 – Top Up Your Conversation Fuel
Our complete How to Talk to Anyone summary shows you how to practice these conversation starters and responses, so you always know what to say next—no matter the setting.
Part 3: Speak Like Someone Important
Whether you’re networking, dating, or presenting at work—people instinctively size you up based on how you speak and act. These 14 techniques help you to communicate like someone worth knowing and listening to.
Technique 24 – Don’t Open With “What Do You Do?”
This question is so common it’s become cliché. Worse, it can feel judgmental, especially if someone is unemployed or in transition. Instead, ask: “How do you spend most of your time?” or “What’s keeping you busy lately?” These allow people to share what they’re excited about (e.g. work, a passion project, or personal interests), makes the conversation more human.
Remaining Techniques:
Check out our full How to Talk to Anyone summary for a breakdown of these tricks:
- Technique 25 – Frame Your Role Around Value
- Technique 26 – Upgrade Your Words to sound more intelligent, charismatic, and persuasive
- Technique 27 – Let People Share Their Story or Interest First
- Technique 28 – Start with “You”
- Technique 29 – Make Each Smile Exclusive
- Technique 30 – Drop the Clichés to avoid sounding lazy and unoriginal
- Technique 31 – Use Catchy Soundbites
- Technique 32 – Avoid Euphemisms that can dilute your message
- Technique 33 – Skip the Cheap Shots to avoid coming across as immature
- Technique 34 – Match People’s Emotions especially when delivering bad news
- Technique 35 – Protect Your Boundaries
- Technique 36 – Be Cool, Not Starstruck when meeting someone famous
- Technique 37 – Thank With Specifics when someone helps you or does something kind
In our full summary, we explain how to apply each of these speech and presence techniques to help you speak with power and poise.
Part 4: Connect Like An Insider
When you’re around people discussing unfamiliar topics, you might feel like an outsider. Use these 6 techniques to blend in and connect like a member of the tribe.
Technique 38 – Expand Your Range of Topics:
Conversations can fall flat if you’re unfamiliar with a specialized topic like fly-fishing or scuba diving. To widen your conversational range, try something new once a month—such as attending a lecture, visiting a niche event, or trying an unfamiliar hobby. You don’t have to master it—just gain enough exposure to ask meaningful questions and use a few insider terms accurately.
Remaining Techniques:
- Technique 39 – Speak Their Language to show you understand their world
- Technique 40 – Push Their Hot Buttons
- Technique 41 – Read What They Read to join their conversations with ease
- Technique 42 – Avoid Cultural Minefields and show cultural intelligence
- Technique 43 – Get Insider Price by using industry lingo
In our full How to Talk to Anyone summary, we explain in full detail how to incorporate these little tricks into your daily interactions to build instant credibility.
Part 5: Make People Feel You’re Just Like Them
We’re naturally drawn to people who seem similar to us. Use these 6 techniques to create a sense of familiarity, rapport and trust.
Technique 44 – Mirror Their Vibes and Body Language:
Observe the way they talk, move, sit, and gesture, then match these subtly to signal similarities. If you’re in sales, mirror both the customer’s behavior and the tone of the product you’re offering. If you’re selling designer suits, move with polish and precision; if you’re selling sportswear, keep it loose and athletic.
Remaining Techniques:
In the full version of our summary, we walk you through how to mirror, match, and emotionally connect using these rapport-building techniques.
- Technique 45 – Echo Their Words to make them feel understood
- Technique 46 – Use Tleir Imagery to make ideas more relatable
- Technique 47 – Use Empathizers so people feel heard and understood
- Technique 48 – Speak To People’s Senses by matching their sensory Language
- Technique 49 – Speak As “We” to signal closeness and shared identity
- Technique 50 – Create Instant History by turning shared moments into private connections
Part 6: Compliment with Sincerity and Impact
Compliments are a powerful tool of persuasion, if they’re sincere and well-delivered. Use these 9 techniques ensure your praises land deeply and effectively.
Technique 51 – Plant Word-of-Mouth Seeds
People tend to dismiss self-promotion, but when others talk about you, it feels more credible. Instead of bragging about yourself, plant short, catchy stories that others can easily repeat. For instance, don’t say you’re a great speaker. Just mention casually that you recently gave a talk to over a thousand people—even though public speaking used to terrify you. The other person now has a titbit to share (“Did you know she used to be scared of public speaking? Now she speaks to huge audiences!”).
Remaining Techniques:
Our full How to Talk to Anyone summary teaches how to use all these strategies to strengthen bonds and leave people feeling truly appreciated.
- Technique 52 – Be a Good-News Carrier to Share Praise and Positivity
- Technique 53 – Imply Greatness to Offer Subtle, Powerful Praise
- Technique 54 – Express Accidental Admiration for a genuine and spontaneous connection
- Technique 55 – Give a Killer Compliment to leave a deep, lasting impression
- Technique 56 – Use Everyday Kudos to offer small, frequent affirmations
- Technique 57 – Give an Instant Applause right after someone impresses you
- Technique 58 – Return the Goodwill when someone does something nice
- Technique 59 – Compliment People’s Core Value to make them feel seen for who they truly are.
Part 7: Connect Over Voice-Only Interactions
When you’re on the phone, more than half your communication tools—like facial expressions and body language—are missing. These 11 techniques will help you to sound engaging and human, even without being seen.
Technique 60 – Gesture Using Words:
When people can’t see your gestures or facial cues, they may misjudge your tone or intent. To bring your personality to life when talking on the phone, translate your expressions into words. Exaggerate your vocal tone slightly and replace physical responses with short, expressive phrases like: “Oh wow, that’s great!” “I hear you.” “No kidding?” or “That was smart of you.”
Remaining Techniques:
In our complete summary, we present you the detailed steps on how to use these techniques as well as the sample phrases you should use:
- Technique 61 – Say a Person’s Name Often to build connection
- Technique 62 – Warm Up After the Reveal to make your greeting feel natural
- Technique 63 – Screen Subtly Without sounding cold or dismissive
- Technique 64 – Respect the Gatekeeper since they influence key decisions
- Technique 65 – Ask Before Diving In to ensure it’s a good time to talk
- Technique 66 – Update Your Voicemail Daily to sound professional and organized
- Technique 67 – Leave a Callback-Worthy Message to capture attention quickly
- Technique 68 – Sound Like a Regular to get past gatekeepers more easily
- Technique 69 – Tune In to People’s Background to show awareness and respect
- Technique 70 – Record and Replay (With Consent) to catch missed details and tone
Part 8: Make Connections That Count
The most successful networkers plan ahead, arrive with purpose, and maximize every interaction. These 7 techniques help you to turn casual encounters into meaningful connections.
Technique 71 – Focus on People, Not Food:
Eating at a social event makes you less approachable as people don’t want to interrupt you. So, eat before an event so you can focus on people, keep your hands free and your body language open and approachable.
Remaining Techniques:
- Technique 72 – Pause and Scan to Observe the room and make a memorable entrance
- Technique 73 – Be the Chooser and connect with who you’re drawn to
- Technique 74 – Use Open Hands to appear inviting
- Technique 75 – Track People’s Details to create instant intimacy
- Technique 76 – Note Details Down for thoughtful follow-ups
- Technique 77 – Decode People’s Signals and adjust your approach in real time
Part 9: Develop Social Sensitivities
The higher you climb, the more your success depends on your ability to navigate delicate moments with tact. These 15 techniques help you build goodwill by doing the small things that most people overlook.
Technique 78 – Ignore Minor Slipups:
Everyone makes bloopers, like sneezing mid-sentence or spilling a drink. Don’t highlight others’ blunders. Even well-meaning comments like “Are you okay?” can make others feel awkward. The best move? Just carry on like nothing happened.
Remaining Techniques:
- Technique 79 – Restore People’s Spotlight when their story gets interrupted
- Technique 80 – Be Upfront About What’s in It for Them (and for you)
- Technique 81 – Don’t Rush to Collect a Favor to Avoid Seeming Transactional
- Technique 82 – Wait for Reciprocity to show your help was genuine
- Technique 83 – No Heavy Talk at Parties
- Technique 84 – Talk Shop Only After Meals
- Technique 85 – Keep Chance Meetings Relaxed to build familiarity, not make a pitch
- Technique 86 – Let People Vent before offering advice or solutions
- Technique 87 – Empathy Before Logic when someone is emotional
- Technique 88 – Turn Mistakes Into Wins by overcompensating sincerely
- Technique 89 – Leave an Exit Door to let others save face
- Technique 90 – Power Up Your Compliment by informing their boss
- Technique 91 – Be First to Show Support in a group setting
- Technique 92 – Keep Track of the Score to maintain balanced relationships
Our complete How to Talk to Anyone summary gives you exact phrases and techniques to navigate awkward situations, give meaningful support, and build goodwill like a social pro.
Getting the Most from How to Talk to Anyone
People may forget your words, but they always remember how you made them feel. By applying the techniques in this book, you give yourself the tools to build meaningful connections with the very people who can shape your journey, setting you up for social success.
If you’d like to zoom in on the ideas above and get more detailed insights, examples and actionable tips, do check out our full book summary bundle that includes an infographic, 21-page text summary, and a 39-minute audio summary.
The book includes more colorful stories and real-life examples that illustrate how people use these techniques in various settings. You can purchase the book here or visit https://www.lowndes.com/ for more details.
For more tips on how to master the art of conversation and build meaningful relationships, check out more free summaries on:
• How to Win Friends & Influence People in the Digital Age: Learn timeless principles to connect with others, win their trust, and influence people in both personal and professional settings.
• The Charisma Myth: Discover how anyone can appear more confident, charming, and magnetic using science-backed strategies.
• Difficult Conversations: Master the art of discussing what matters most, even in emotionally-charged or high-stakes situations.
Who Should Read This Book
• Professionals, entrepreneurs, and job-seekers who want to grow their network, improve communication skills, build rapport, and make meaningful connections that open doors.
• People who want practical, real-world strategies for effective communication to improve both personal and professional relationships.
• Anyone looking to boost their social skills, and handle a wide range of personal and professional interactions with confidence.
How to Talk to Anyone Chapters
See All Chapters (Click to expand)
Our summaries are reworded and reorganized for clarity and conciseness. Here’s the full chapter listing from How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes to give an overview of the original content structure in the book.
1. Part One
Technique 1: The Flooding Smile
Technique 2: Sticky Eyes
Technique 3: Epoxy Eyes
Technique 4: Hang by Your Teeth
Technique 5: The Big Baby Pivot
Technique 6: Hello Old Friend
Technique 7: Limit the Fidget
Technique 8: Hans’s Horse Sense
Technique 9: Watch the Scene Before You Make the Scene
2. Part Two
Technique 10: The Mood Match
Technique 11: Prosaic with Passion
Technique 12: Always Wear a Whatzit
Technique 13: Whoozat?
Technique 14: Eavesdrop In
Technique 15: Never the Naked City
Technique 16: Never the Naked Job
Technique 17: Never the Naked Introduction
Technique 18: Be a Word Detective
Technique 19: The Swivelling Spotlight
Technique 20: Parroting
Technique 21: Encore!
Technique 22: Ac-cen-tu-ate the Pos-i-tive
Technique 23: The Latest News . . . Don’t Leave Home Without It
3. Part Three
Technique 24: What Do You Do—Not!
Technique 25: The Nutshell Résumé
Technique 26: Your Personal Thesaurus
Technique 27: Kill the Quick ‘Me, Too!’
Technique 28: Comm-YOU-nication
Technique 29: The Exclusive Smile
Technique 30: Don’t Touch a Cliché with a Ten-Foot Pole
Technique 31: Use Jawsmith’s Jive
Technique 32: Call a Spade a Spade
Technique 33: Trash the Teasing
Technique 34: It’s the Receiver’s Ball
Technique 35: The Broken Record
Technique 36: Big Shots Don’t Slobber
Technique 37: Never the Naked Thank You
4. Part Four
Technique 38: Scramble Therapy
Technique 39: Learn a Little Gobbledygook
Technique 40: Baring Their Hot Button
Technique 41: Read Their Rags
Technique 42: Clear Customs
Technique 43: Bluffing for Bargains
5. Part Five
Technique 44: Be a Copycat
Technique 45: Echoing
Technique 46: Potent Imaging
Technique 47: Employ Empathizers
Technique 48: Anatomically Correct Empathizers
Technique 49: The Premature We
Technique 50: Instant History
6. Part 6
Technique 51: Grapevine Glory
Technique 52: Carrier Pigeon Kudos
Technique 53: Implied Magnificence
Technique 54: Accidental Adulation
Technique 55: The Killer Compliment
Technique 56: Little Strokes
Technique 57: The Knee-Jerk “Wow!”
Technique 58: Boomeranging
Technique 59: The Tombstone Game
7. Part Seven
Technique 60: Talking Gestures
Technique 61: Name Shower
Technique 62: Oh Wow, It’s You!
Technique 63: The Sneaky Screen
Technique 64: Salute the Spouse
Technique 65: What Colour Is Your Time?
Technique 66: Constantly Changing Outgoing Message
Technique 67: Your Ten-Second Audition
Technique 68: The Ho-Hum Caper
Technique 69: I Hear Your Other Line
Technique 70: Instant Replay
8. Part Eight
Technique 71: Munching or Mingling
Technique 72: Rubberneck the Room
Technique 73: Be the Chooser, Not the Choosee
Technique 74: Come-Hither Hands
Technique 75: Tracking
Technique 76: The Business Card Dossier
Technique 77: Eyeball Selling
9. Part Nine
Technique 78: See No Bloopers, Hear No Bloopers
Technique 79: Lend a Helping Tongue
Technique 80: Bare the Buried WIIFM
Technique 81: Let ’Em Savour the Favour
Technique 82: Tit for (Wait… Wait) Tat
Technique 83: Parties Are for Pratter
Technique 84: Dinner’s for Dining
Technique 85: Chance Encounters Are for Chitchat
Technique 86: Empty Their Tanks
Technique 87: Echo the EMO
Technique 88: My Goof, Your Gain
Technique 89: Leave an Escape Hatch
Technique 90: Buttercups for Their Boss
Technique 91: Lead the Listeners
Technique 92: The Great Scorecard in the Sky
About the Author of How to Talk to Anyone
How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships is written by Leil Lowndes. She is a communications expert who helps Fortune 500 executives and professionals improve their people skills. She has spoken across the U.S. and led seminars for the Peace Corps, foreign governments, and top corporations. Her work has been featured in major outlets like The New York Times, Time, and Cosmopolitan.
How to Talk to Anyone Quotes
“The way you move is your autobiography in motion.”
“Your eyes are personal grenades that have the power to detonate people’s emotions.”
“In business, even when romance is not in the picture, strong eye contact packs a powerful wallop between men and women.”
“Like a good gumshoe, listen to your conversation partner’s every word for clues to his or her preferred topic.”
“A compliment one hears is never as exciting as the one he overhears.”
“Try Accidental Adulation and see smiles break out on the faces of the recipients.”
“Your body language and facial expressions comprise more than half your personality.”
“Often we have no clear idea of what really happened in our phone conversation until we hear it again.”
“Like an air-traffic controller, track the tiniest details of your conversation partners’ lives.”
“As you sail through life with your new communication skills, you’ll look back and see some very happy givers smiling in your wake.”
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