Are you feeling unhappy because you haven’t lived up to certain goals or expectations ? In The Gap and the Gain, Dan Sullivan (author and entrepreneur coach) explains that many of us feel this way because we measure success in a distorted way.
Instead of appreciating how far we’ve come, we often focus only on what we haven’t yet achieved. Sullivan developed the concept of “the gap” and “the gain” after working with tens of thousands of successful entrepreneurs, helping them shift how they see themselves and their accomplishments.
In this article, we’ll summarise key insights from The Gap and the Gain. As a book summary service that understands what makes a strong self-help book, we’ll also review whether this one is worth your time, and who’s most likely to benefit from it.
In essence, this article covers:
- What Is the Gap and the Gain Concept?
- The Gap and the Gain Summary
- Are You Living in the Gap or the Gain?
- How to Live More in the Gain: Tools and Habits
- The Gap and the Gain Review
- Who Should Read The Gap and The Gain?
- Other Recommended Sources
- The Gap and The Gain Quotes
What Is the Gap and the Gain Concept?
In The Gap and The Gain, authors Dan Sullivan and Benjamin Hardy present gap thinking and gain thinking as two different ways to understand your achievements and satisfaction in life. Gap thinking is about seeing success as something that’s always ahead of you—something you’ll only achieve in the future. Gain thinking, on the other hand, is about finding happiness and success in the present by acknowledging how far you’ve already come.
Here’s a breakdown of these two thinking styles and the psychological benefits of making a mindset shift:
What Does It Mean to Understand the Gap?
Gap thinking is about measuring forward, comparing yourself to future goals. According to the authors, this type of thinking is unhealthy because of a psychological phenomenon: even when we reach a goal, we often feel unfulfilled and immediately start chasing the next one.
Gap-style thinking also tends to be driven by external factors, like what other people are doing. This kind of extrinsic motivation, especially when it’s tied to superficial things, can negatively affect your mood and self-esteem.
What Does It Mean to Understand the Gain?
Gain thinking is about measuring backward, comparing your current self to your past self. The authors recommend this approach because your past is fixed. That means you’re measuring progress against something real and factual, rather than an imagined ideal. This gives you a stronger sense of accomplishment.
When you’re in the gain mindset, your motivation becomes intrinsic. Your past self becomes a personal reference point for the impact you want to create. With your focus on what truly matters to you, and your own growth, you’re more likely to affirm a positive mindset.
Research shows that positive thinking leads to therapeutic benefits for your body and improves your overall mental well-being.
The Gap and the Gain Summary
Here is a Chapter-by-chapter breakdown of the book.
Chapter 1: Embrace the Freedom of “Wants”
We often assume that progress means reaching the goals we’ve set for the future. But when we tie our sense of progress to ticking off milestones, it can start to feel like we’re constantly chasing the horizon, always moving, but never arriving.
Dan Sullivan and Ben Hardy offer a different perspective. Instead of focusing on the future and where we currently fall short (the “gap”), they encourage us to look back and acknowledge how far we’ve come (the “gain”).
They also suggest shifting our focus from needs like money, or a specific job title to healthy wants.
Healthy wants come from a place of wholeness. They’re grounded in intrinsic motivation. For example: “I want to grow my business so I can help others improve their lives.”
Instead of chasing what you think you need, pursue what truly matters to you, what energizes and fulfills you.
Chapter 2: Be Self-Determined
We usually measure success using external reference points, like our friends, family, influencers, and so on. The authors suggest this is thinking in the Gap, because wanting things just because others have them often leads to unhealthy goals. Instead, we should focus on creating internal goals.
Sullivan and Hardy suggest that we can do this by developing self-determination. According to positive psychology, self-determination is the ability to make your own choices and take control of your life. When we listen to our intrinsic motivation, the things we want because they reflect who we are or what we truly value, we move closer to real self-determination.
Chapter 3: The Compound Effect of the Gap or Gain
Thinking in the Gap doesn’t just affect how we feel about ourselves in the moment. It can also have long-term effects on our physical and mental well-being. When we feel sad because we haven’t yet become our ideal future self, it can create stress and even microtraumas. Over time, the build-up of that stress impacts our physical health.
Sullivan and Hardy refer to research on Catholic nuns, showing that the ones who had more positive journal entries ended up living longer than the others. They use this to encourage us to think in the Gain. Remember, Gain thinking is all about gratitude, and it promotes both empowerment and longevity.
Chapter 4: Always Measure Backward
Humans naturally forget progress. Our memories tend to get reshaped by our current emotional state, which can make us lose sight of how far we’ve come. That’s why we have to make a conscious effort to reflect on past achievements.
Measuring backward is a core Gain practice. It helps us appreciate growth and reminds us that we’re making progress, even if it’s not always obvious. The opposite is Gap thinking, dwelling on what we haven’t achieved yet or focusing only on current problems. This often leads to faster burnout and more stress.
Chapter 5: Measure 3 Daily Wins
There’s a specific time in your day when your mind is more reflective, it’s usually the hour before bed. The authors call this your mental “sweet spot.” It’s the time when most people naturally think about their goals, concerns, or where they’re falling short.
Instead of using this hour to spiral into Gap thinking, the authors suggest using it intentionally in the Gain. That means asking yourself: What are 3 wins from today? It’s also a great time to note 3 things you’d like to achieve tomorrow. This habit helps you go to bed with gratitude, and wake up with clarity and purpose.
Chapter 6: Transform Every Experience into a Gain
Life won’t always go according to plan, but living in the Gain means learning to find value, even in the hard stuff. Whether it’s a mistake, a delay, or something you wish went differently, you can reframe it as a lesson or stepping stone.
Are You Living in the Gap or the Gain?
It all comes down to how you measure your progress. If you’re always thinking about where you should be and rarely take a moment to appreciate how far you’ve come, you’re probably stuck in the Gap. If you’re learning to recognise your growth, no matter how small, and you use your past self as a reference point, you’re living in the Gain.
Living in the Gap means chasing an ideal that always moves further away. For instance, you’ve just hit a goal to become more active. You’re taking a walk twice daily and getting at least four full workouts per week. Instead of feeling fulfilled, you fixate on how you aren’t training daily like fitness influencers on social media and feel behind again.
Living in the Gain is different. You remind yourself that “You’ve grown. You’ve improved. You’ve made progress.” Yes, you may still have more goals, but you’re not ignoring the steps you’ve already taken. This mindset is healthier, more motivating, and backed by research that shows gratitude and reflection improve mental well-being.
If you’re still unsure of whether you’re living in the Gap or the Gain, here are a few questions to ask yourself and reflect on.
- Do you often feel like you’re never “there” yet? → Gap
- Do you focus more on what’s missing than what you’ve done? → Gap
- Do you compare yourself to others more than to your past self? → Gap
- Do you celebrate progress, no matter how small? → Gain
- Do you measure your growth by how far you’ve come? → Gain
- Do you feel motivated by your own improvement and values? → Gain
How to Live More in the Gain
Changing how you measure your progress can make a big difference. The authors suggest measuring your progress backward, where you reflect on what you’ve accomplished in the past and make it a habit to celebrate your daily wins. Sullivan and Hardy recommend using specific prompts that shift your focus to what you’ve already accomplished and what’s working. The prompts are:
- What are 3 wins from today?
- How have I improved from 30 days ago?
- What lesson did I learn today?
- What progress have I made that I used to only dream about?
- What’s something I handled better today than I would’ve in the past?
These prompts help train your brain to notice wins, growth, and learning, even on days that don’t feel great.
And when setbacks happen (because they always do), living in the Gain means reframing them. Instead of seeing failure or frustration as a stop sign, you learn to ask: “What did this teach me?” That shift alone turns mistakes into momentum.
The Gap and the Gain Review
An overwhelming number of readers find value in this book, especially when they’re not feeling great about themselves. It serves as a strong boost of motivation and a reminder of how far you’ve come. The book draws on well-researched ideas from positive psychology, showing how a simple shift in perspective, especially toward gratitude, can benefit both your mind and body and influence your actions.
It goes a step further by offering practical tools to help you build this mindset, like journaling prompts to guide your focus. That said, some of the ideas may feel a bit repetitive, especially toward the end. A few readers have also pointed out that the book might resonate more with the privileged. For example, those who already have clear accomplishments to reflect on and who can easily find a sense of progress.
Still, the insights are backed by solid research and years of experience from Sullivan’s coaching of tens of thousands of successful entrepreneurs. So even with its flaws, the book offers plenty of useful takeaways.
Who Should Read The Gap and The Gain?
If you ever feel like you’re not “enough” or keep chasing after the next big thing, you should definitely check out The Gap and the Gain. It’s super helpful for high achievers, ambitious entrepreneurs, or really anyone looking for a better way to track progress and get a little boost in motivation.
Other Recommended Sources
As a book summary service that reviews various books on mindset, happiness, and personal growth, here’s a selection of other great reads if you enjoyed The Gap and the Gain.
- 10x Is Easier Than 2x by by Dan Sullivan & Ben Hardy explains how to achieve better results by doing less.
- The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga shows us how to stop measuring our worth based on others’ standards and how to be content with our personal journeys.
- Mindset by Carol Dweck explores the distinction between a fixed and a growth mindset. Like The Gap and the Gain, it examines how our perspective on progress influences our motivation, performance, and overall happiness.
- The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson builds on the idea that success comes from simple daily disciplines. Its insights help us to master focusing on gradual, intentional progress instead of dramatic leaps.
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You can purchase the book here.
About Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy
The Gap and the Gain: High Achievers’ Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success is co-authored by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy.
Dan Sullivan is a well-respected entrepreneur and coach, best known for founding Strategic Coach, a coaching program for high-achieving entrepreneurs. With over 40 years of coaching practice experience, he has helped tens of thousands of coaching clients, helping business owners to achieve greater success while maintaining personal fulfillment. His work focuses on mindset, personal growth, and maximizing potential, and he has authored several books, including The Strategic Coach Guide to Time Management and The Self-Managing Company.
Dr. Benjamin Hardy is an organizational psychologist and bestselling author, known for his work on personal development and high performance. His books, including Willpower Doesn’t Work and Personality Isn’t Permanent, explore the power of mindset and how people can transform their lives by shifting their thinking. Dr. Hardy has written for major publications like Harvard Business Review and Psychology Today, and his insights on personal growth and performance have resonated with millions.
The Gap and The Gain Quotes
“When you’re in the Gap, your happiness is tied to something outside of yourself, a moving and unreachable target.”
“A sense that we’re making progress toward our goals makes us happy. But to truly get the feeling of progress, we need to base it on concrete facts.”
“When you take the wanting approach to your future, it also means that you’re leaving behind the world of needing.”
“Sometimes the greatest scientific breakthroughs happen because someone ignores the prevailing pessimism.”
“Measuring your own personal progress keeps you out of comparison with others.”
“Being reminded of the easily forgotten past boosts your hope, motivation, confidence, and resilience.”
